| hold me up im dieing to let you |
[22 Nov 2004|06:34pm] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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music |
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northstar<33333 |
] |
hey so today wasnt half bad but last night was horrible .. lets just say last night was one of the worst nights i have had in a while .. in a long while .. felt like my heart was ripped out and stomped on .. i guess i didnt relize how much i liked him .. ohh man .. it sucks .. major ass .. but what ya gonna do .. so stayed up till bout 3 last night thinking .. wasnt a good idea i came home from school and passed out my moms like why are you so tired and i was like idk long night i guess .. and i pretty much just blew her off i think she knows i dont wanna talk bout it .. and she knows i tell her everything i just dont wanna tell her this .. i really dont wanna talk bout it with anyone .. but whatever .. but if i didnt have like a sense of humor and was able to joke bout stuff i think i would have killed myself alrede with all the shit i go through everyday .. lol .. but whatever so imma go do some homework ..
later days
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* ..ive gotten 1 kisses already *kiss me.. *
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| im not okay </3 |
[21 Nov 2004|03:52pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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brand new |
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hey there today played soccer we won 3-0..came home and wrote my essay didnt go to bed last night till almost 5:30ish way to much shit on my mind..
and yea thats all tomorrow a fun filled day at school..
later days
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* ..kiss me.. *
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| holler |
[21 Nov 2004|12:55am] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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emo shit |
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haha i think its funny that its like 4 in the morning and i am still up .. yea well it happens gotta lotta shit on my mind .. fucking a .. hate it when these types of things happen .. specially when you no hes happy he just dont wanna admit it cuz he dont wanna hurt you .. well im gonna get hurt either way .. i mine as well just give up now .. but its like one of those bad habits that you just cant give up cuz you no eventually everything will work out .. even if it take forever .. it will eventually all stop .. but ya no .. forever is a long time .. but yea .. i am so tired but i cant sleep .. everytime i close my eyes i see him and man it blows .. i never had this before this is all something new to me .. and i just wish i new what it meant .. and what i could do to make it stop .. and help me out a little bit .. i dont no nothing much has been going on last night i sat home and did nothing and tonight i went out with my aunt and 2 cousins .. but nothing rele else has happened .. checker training is over and i miss marc and matt and jeff .. they were some funny kids .. but marc is going to be driving me to and from work when we start most likely .. i hope .. and yea .. alls i want is for him to be happy even if i am not .. it sucks .. but i know that its the right thing to do .. yea .. so i am just sitting here listening to emo music cuz i am in an emo mood .. and i just wanna like give up on life cuz i suck at it anyway .. so theres no point anymore .. but whatever .. no one understands what i want or need and it gets annoying after a while i just get sick of it mostly frustrated that no one nos what i want and i dont no how to explain it to them so that they do .. i know exactly what i want .. i just dont think that i will ever get it .. and i had it .. but i lost it .. made some really huge major mistakes over the summer that i wish i could take back but i know that i cant .. and it sucks .. really bad .. i just wish that i told him how i felt a while ago before all this had to happen .. ohh man why do men have to suck its like in their job discription to suck i think its just the way that it goes .. life sucks then you die right .. well i wish that saying wasnt true .. the only thing that i truley want is to be happy .. and right now i am not .. no one nos whats going on .. i look like this huge happy person on the outside .. but on the inside i ache day and night .. cuz i cant find what i am looking for .. sometimes i just like break down and cry for no reason .. i feel better after but i dont want to have to do that to feel better .. man .. people really suck .. i have soccer tomorrow so i prolly should really get to sleep .. so imma go try to sleep a little bit .. later tater.
later days :(
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* ..ive gotten 2 kisses already *kiss me.. *
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| holly wow |
[19 Nov 2004|04:17pm] |
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 thoughtful |
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mix |
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wow been a long time since i wrote in this thing most likely cuz theres nothing special for me to right bout .. nothing spectacular has happened to me .. ohh man .. been thinking bout a lot of things and have made my final dicesion .. i dont think thats how u spell it but thats ok .. so yea me and brian are cool now .. and jess is a fucker .. so fuck her .. <3suck it eazy bitch .. haha watta homo .. so yea anyway .. schools been better miss.ney should die but all in all pretty good .. so yea .. umm doing nothing tonight just cleaning my room and doing homework but whatever i dont care no one loves me enough to hang out with me anyway so it really doesnt matter does it .. ohh mann .. i really hope everything works out for me .. for once .. i just wanna be happy .. and over the summer should have listened to myself but no i gotta be an ass but whatever .. i hope this is right .. i really do .. but yea so .. my life has sucked im finally 16 november 3rd was my bday .. what you no bout this .. i started working at acme .. its gonna be an amazing job .. im gonna love it .. specially the people i work with .. so yea .. thats about it .. for now ill try and keep this thinger updated ..
later days
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* ..kiss me.. *
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| yea boy shake that ass!! |
[04 Nov 2004|03:34pm] |
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mood |
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 hot |
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music |
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shit |
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yoo whats going on tonight cuz my birthday was yesterday!! the big 16 YES!!
I AM SO GOING BOWLING!!
WHAT WHAT
THEN GOING BACK TO THE FIREHOUSE!!
TO WATCH MOVIES AND CHILL!!
AL AND MOUNT AND REBECCA ARE COMMING CUZ THEY LOVE ME!!
SHANES TO COOL FOR US .. JK JK HES IN PHILLY!!
BRIANS A BUTT AND IS ON A CRUISE!! BUTTMUNCH!!
AND JESS no.. JUST NOT HAPPENING!!
YEA MANN!!!
SO YEA IMMA GO CUZ THEY ARE GONNA BE HERE SOON!!!!
I LOVE MY FRIENDS THAT I HAVE!!
<3 ALWAYS FLANN
lATERDAYS!
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* ..kiss me.. *
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| how you like it daddy? |
[26 Oct 2004|09:01am] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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music |
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mtv |
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hey you guys whats going on well my computer is broken so now i can only go on my laptop .. not a bad deal .. so yea i am still sick .. but the blood tests for mono came back negative so thats good but now they dont no what i got and i still feel like shit .. so yea .. i am just tired and my throat hurtz and my ears and my nose is stuffed up not really ...
ahh it all just sucks .. got into like 8 fights with brian over the stupidest shit ever .. al and mount called me yesterday but they couldnt really talk cuz there was a teacher there .. so hopefully they will call today and i will be able to talk to al and lindz online .. i talk to lindz all the time .. shes like the only tru friend i got left besides ali .. but i hardly talk to her shes alway away .. but yea .. i miss her at lunch making fun of joey .. lol .. its great .. but yea .. umm .. what else is new .. i have no idea not much has happened besides me lying on my ass doing nothing and just sleeping .. i dont hate it that much lol .. but yea all in all .. life pretty much sucks right now but heyy when doesnt it .. and i wanna no who actually reads this thing .. haha .. alright well im out !!
b-day 9 days
later days
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* ..ive gotten 3 kisses already *kiss me.. *
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| yOoO! |
[24 Oct 2004|05:40pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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music |
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none |
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ok well since the last time i updated...
1. i broke my toe.
2. i have mono.
3. me and brian broke up..
yea .. 2 of the above suck .. the other one .. is just up in the air .. and i dont weather to be happy or sad .. or like just blow it off .. and pretend there was never anything .. ah .. i dont no what to do .. in my time off from school i guess ill eventually figure it out .. but all in all .. my toe hurts and i feel like shit .. yea it sucks to have mono for the second time .. those dill holes lied to me when they told me that you can only have it once .. asswads .. so yea .. went to the hospital .. for my toe .. and my throat started to really bother me so my mom had them look down it .. the dr said that was the grossest looking thing she has ever seen they did a strep test came back neg. they put me on some bullshit .. three days later still feel like shit .. mom takes me to the dr. the dr. looks down my throat and goes yup .. looks in my ears and goes yup .. feels my neck and goes yup .. and im like yup what .. he goes yup ya got mono .. and im like fucker .. so they come in and take my blood .. i almost passed out cuz i havent eaten since monday .. so the nurse said that i was normal cuz i didnt have any sugar in my body to help the blood come back or something like that so i got some oj .. felt better .. cant play soccer for 6 weeks and thats the whole rest of the season .. cant go back to school on the 1st .. maybe .. and then i cant do gym for 6 weeks .. thats the only good thing .. get to hang out with lindz and al .. so thats good .. well yea .. so thats the story of my life right now .. and i am going to take a shower and lay down .. and watch strong medicen .. yea ill update when i can
b-day 11 days
later days
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* ..ive gotten 1 kisses already *kiss me.. *
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| im sorry for the way i am |
[17 Oct 2004|05:46pm] |
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mood |
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worried |
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music |
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stained |
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everything is fucked up i hate everyone right now .. i even hate myself .. i suck .. i did this all .. i didnt wanna hurt you i just wanted to no the truth .. but yea .. whatever .. no one worry bout me .. im not worth it ..
I never really wanted you to see
The screwed side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep it always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me there’s just no hope
I never meant to be so cold
.. and its been a while since i could say i love myself as well as ..
b-day .. who cares
later days . much
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* ..ive gotten 2 kisses already *kiss me.. *
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| i cant go there .. |
[16 Oct 2004|11:35am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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music |
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kenny |
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hmm last night was amazing .. haha .. went to brians round 5:15ish and then went lazer tagging at like 6 .. we played the racing game and i whooped his ass .. then it was time for lazer tag .. yea i was the mvp for the red team .. haha .. they all loose .. its all good tho .. haha .. that was amazing .. then went back to his house .. and chilled .. listened to music .. and just chilled it was fun .. breathing outta your nose works lol .. so anyway .. then i got picked up at like 10:30 .. went home talked to brian on the computer and then i talked to him on the phone .. and then passed out to aladdin .. the last thing i remeber was .. him singing .. and yea then i was out .. whats like like 5 mins into the movie .. haha .. today i dont no what i am going to do .. i think me and my mommy are going to the mall then comming home .. imma get in the shower and all that jazz then hanging out with brian and jess .. and then yea its gonna be mucho fun .. think we are just going to go to the mall .. but thats all good .. yea .. so yea .. anyway .. imma go and do something i dont no what but i am going to do something so peace out hommie
b-day 18 days
later days
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* ..ive gotten 4 kisses already *kiss me.. *
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| crush me baby im all ears.. |
[14 Oct 2004|08:11pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
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music |
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mixx |
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hey you all i havent done this in forever .. but i made a new thing so yea i like my new layout .. i finally got my computer to work amazingly .. so thats all good i guess right sounds good sounds great .. me and brian are amazing .. like woah .. so yea .. this week at school has been good and bad .. jess .. idk we got in some dumbass thing and now i have no idea what is going on .. but yea .. everything else besides that is great .. sept i cant get outta nays class that homo biznatch .. yea i hate her with a passion shes so stupid seriously how does she teach if she cant even talk right ugh shes such a blonde .. but yea anywayz .. everything else has been so good i hope me and brian go out for like ever i am so happy with him like you have no idea .. its just like woah .. so yea .. umm .. what else is there .. ohh yea today on the bus .. this kid greg thinks hes black soooo tay made up a rhyme .. and he got mad real mad so yea .. he got off the bus and spit in the window and all over my boog bag .. and ew it was soo gross .. i almost threw up cuz i hate spit so much its so gross .. but yea .. then .. yea i dont no what else happened haha dustin like got invited to a sweet 16 where he dont even no the girl .. and yea i think that is about it .. but yea .. umm .. ohh yea im outta gym for 2 weeks cuz of my asthma but its all good i feel better kinda now .. so yea imma go talk to my friends and ill update later !!
b-day - 20 days
later days
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* ..kiss me.. *
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| s h u t u p |
[08 Oct 2004|07:30pm] |
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mood |
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sick |
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music |
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all different stuff |
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alright i havent updated in like 3 years but thats ok .. nothing major has really happened .. sept homecomming dance last night was amazing ohh shit .. we had so much fun like it was unbeleiveable .. my people you all no who you all are i cant wait for AbYsS seriously that shits gonna be off the hook .. and as of last night me and brian are officially together!!! im so excited .. !!!!!!!! .. tonight me and brian went to the homecomming game it was gay patriots lost .. and then we saw dan and all them .. i got to talk to SHANE i havent talked to that kid in forever i love that kid he is the shit .. and then i hooked dan and mo so up .. i am like the friggen matchmaker ! .. but whatever thats all good .. and then we went back to brians played with pictures then went out the the geerage to wait for mommy ........... ohh yes i went to marco polo with brian and his family it was fun .. yea .. umm thats pretty much it .. tomorrow i am going dress shopping for the wedding and then i am going to the picnic where brian and jess are comming cant wiat then we will go back to someones house after i guess .. hmm yea imma go now .. later taters
later days
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* ..kiss me.. *
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| i love you .. |
[04 Oct 2004|12:36am] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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music |
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mae |
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ok so today was very tiring th donation thing went really good .. i mean really good .. i went driving and i almost shit myself but it was still fun .. so yea .. that was my day adn the only reason i am up right now is cuz brian made me .. and yea i am going to sleep so ill update tomorrow .. yea peace
later days
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* ..kiss me.. *
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| just like i imagine . i could never feel this way |
[02 Oct 2004|12:57pm] |
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mood |
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 weird |
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music |
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taking back sunday |
] |
alright dont hate on my non updateness im sorry .. my internet died .. but i got it back so yea this week at school hasnt been bad .. actually pretty fun .. but i still miss brian he is comming back on wednesday so i cant wait .. we hung out last night .. i went to his house and then his mommy daddy and brothers drove me and him to the mall .. we saw some 8 year old girl buying a dildo in spencers so we left then we met chuck .. i love that kid .. and then yea i saw kelly .. i havent seen her since vacation .. so yea and then we walked to the movies .. haha that was great i almost froze my ass off and brian made me look hot with my buttons .. and then we saw ShArK TaLe ohh man it was so good .. so then we had fun .. and then we met up with fretz tyler chris bg max .. i love that kid hes great .. beil or something like that i dont no he was weird and some colts neck chick .. it was funny .. lol .. so then me and brian waited outside for his mom .. and then she drove me home .. so yea that was my night last night .. today i am going to my sisters .. my brothers comming .. and then tomorrow i have soccer and then the blood drive at the firehouse .. so imma be out all day tomorrow and you no what tomorrow is ..
i love that race well im peacin later taters..
later days
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* ..kiss me.. *
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| going crazy over him |
[26 Sep 2004|08:19pm] |
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mood |
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 brian told me to put it |
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music |
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brand new |
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ok so yea yesterday i went to the mall with jess .. we had fun looking at all the people and there i <3 soccer mom t-shirts .. yea they were hott .. jk jk jk .. yea then jess got her eyes done ... then my mommy came and picked us up and then we went to the rag shop .. brain called us and was like yea what are you guys doing .. and we were like sitting in the car at the rag shop waiting for michelles mommy and then we are going back to your house and then hes like can i come there and come home in her car and i called my mommy and she said that it was ok .. so he came and we chilled in the car .. and then we had an interesting convo .. ohh yea .. my mommy yelled at some guy going out of the mall it was funny .. yea so then we went back to my casa .. and then we went to the b-ball courts .. and then yea .. we played .. and then we came back to my casa .. and watched mean girls
shut up
i didnt say anything
yea thats something that i would say .. so yea imma go pay attention to brian on the phone later taters
later days
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* ..kiss me.. *
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| i love you. |
[25 Sep 2004|01:33pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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brand new |
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ohh man well last night was so much fun we went to brains<3 house .. it was amazing just chilling cuddling with him .. i just needed it .. so yea now im going crazy cuz i have no one to talk to bout my feelings and it sucks real bad .. i just wish that yea i just do .. dont ask .. ohh man .. so yea .. im going crazy over this kid i havent been this way in a while but i like it lol .. so yea .. and tonight i dont no what i am doing brains out on his boat or something and then when he gets home he is going to call me and then i dont no maybe he will come over here or ill go over there i dont care as long as i get to see him .. thats all i care bout .. i am so mad he cant come to school for another week .. ahh .. imma go crazy .. and last night i got an interseating phone call that i wasnt a big fan of .. i didnt like it at all actually i was kinda scared .. err .. so yea .. im so bored right now me and jess are trying to make plans .. and its not working to well for us .. ohh yes last night we watched eurotrip it was a funny movie then we watched ron white .. and this week at school has sucked i hate chuck oconner hes an asshole .. hes like hey your boobs got bigger i was like hey your still an asshole and walked away but whatever i dont care .. he can suck my dick cuz really it doesnt bother me .. so yea whatever .. but this week has school has sucked i like er brain isnt there so its boring cuz i used to see him after every period .. and uh it sucks that i see no one all day .. i see jess .. umm once in the morning and thats it .. it just sucks .. i hate my schedual .. i hate my classes they all suck except english .. and my history teacher i am going to kill her cuz i hate her with a passion .. alright well imma go cuz people are iming me like crazy!!
later days
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* ..ive gotten 1 kisses already *kiss me.. *
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| fun stuff ... not! |
[23 Sep 2004|04:37pm] |
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mood |
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drained |
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music |
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umm its up in my head |
] |
hey there well today was the first day back to school for me .. ohh it was ohh so loverly just kidding .. so anyway .. i didnt have much to makeup and somehow everyone nos that me and brain h/u i actually think its funny they all come up to me and are like .. you have mono right and i was like uh no .. and they are like didnt brian give it to you when you 2 h/u i was like no i alrede had it i just got sick .. but other than that it was a delightful day .. and then lindsay told me that he was in school and that he passed by the lunch room .. i was mad at him cuz he didnt come and see me but thats ok im over it its all good .. i still <3 him .. then we did a lab in science so i didnt have gym i was ohh so excited about that .. and yes i really was excited bout that .. YES! .. 2 whole pds with JK! lol .. haha good times MOUNT!! .. and then yea .. i sounded like a gay man all day and mr.d made me read i told mount that he would i win .. i sit next to bird man .. tweet tweet .. haha good times .. well i gotta go do some homework cuz i am going to the mall to get my eye brows done and shop i think .. and then go to the dentist and yes i havent wore my retainer in 9 years but thats ok .. ill live .. xox
later days
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* ..kiss me.. *
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| allister!! |
[22 Sep 2004|10:07pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
] |
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music |
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allister <33333 |
] |
explains everything
I've been sitting here for hours
Burned an image of you in my mind
Finding comfort in the words you say
But its not the same
I know you're worth the wait
And I can't explain
What I'm going through inside
But I would turn away the world
Just to have you here with me tonight
We can take our time
Making sure that everything feels right
It won't be easy but I'm not afraid
You're so far away
We made our start from scratch
It's now or never but we can't look back
I need you with me for another day
You're so far away
I've been sitting here forever
Your voice is resonating in my mind
Countless hours with you on the phone
And now I'm not alone
I know you're worth the wait
And I can't escape
What I'm going through inside
But I would turn away the world
Just to have you here with me tonight
We can take our time
Making sure that everything feels right
It won't be easy but I'm not afraid
You're so far away
We made our start from scratch
It's now or never but we can't look back
I need you with me for another day
You're so far away, Yeah far away
I know there's no time left for second chances
Still we're right despite these circumstances
You've changed me more than you could ever know
So we will just hang on until tomorrow
So take my hand, don't ever let me go
This time is right
We can take our time
Making sure that everything feels right
It won't be easy but I'm not afraid
You're so far away ... Yeah far away
yea ive been sick for the past week .. thanks to my lover but thats ok .. anyway yea going to school tomorrow and nothing really happened that was good .. one thing but we wont go into detail sorry i havent updated the entire time i was sick .. my comp broke and i got it fixed today .. spent all day on the phone with some indian but that was ok .. yea so imma go to bed .. yea i love you all .. ps ill update tomorrow after school .. xoxo!
later days
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* ..kiss me.. *
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| funn night .. cough JK! |
[16 Sep 2004|10:03pm] |
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mood |
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giggly |
] |
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music |
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brand new |
] |
hey yea tonight was the most funnest night ever .. i went to jess's and we played with polly pocket i mean no we didnt her dog did .. and then we decided to tape ourselfs .. haha .. but first i made her dinner .. chili, cheese, and tostito chips .. yea it was good .. we were fighting over the meat .. but yea we wont go into detail .. and yes then we went upstairs .. and did each other makeup .. we looked hott .. and sung songs .. and danced i was midgit girl .. burped .. and she farted once lol it was funny and then mommy called and told me to please be outside in 15 i was like okay mommy .. so we washed our faces .. and went outside .. i won in the spitting contest .. and in the fight at the end of dinner .. so yea that was tonight ..
lastnight ..
we went to the mall me brian jess tim .. well the way we got there was in style .. we took freakin car service to the mall yea we did .. so yea .. we got there .. met up with brain we has nanoying mommy serafino so i saved her .. we went into spencers and played .. then a&f .. and me and brain tried on clothes .. we looked hott .. yea we didnt but thats ok .. so yea then we went up to macys .. mike called and asked us where we were and to meet him .. so i said it was a bad idea but no one listens to me .. so yea .. and we met them .. i told off that asshole dave hinkle .. i mean common dude ur last name rhymes with tinkle .. seriously .. so yea i told him to keep his fat fucking mouth shut or there will be trouble .. then we left ate at rubys .. they called we told them we left .. and me and brian hadda broccli fight .. and yea i just had a good time with him .. i really did .. we are mutal fuck buddies haha it was fun .. then while we were nvm .. tim fucking throws a pen at us and almost smacks me .. it was a good time tho .. and then it looked like tim and jess we fucking and the police officers face was like umm are they fucking so yea it was fun .. and then we left .. got home talked to brian .. and then yea mike called me and woke my ass up i was pissed at him .. told him off .. then went to bed .. yea that was last night .. so yea imma go ..
later days
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* ..kiss me.. *
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| i hope we dont forget .. |
[11 Sep 2004|10:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 awake |
] |
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music |
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yellowcard |
] |
hey there well tonight we all hung out at jess's house .. <33 .. we had fun .. lol .. the discussion at the dinner table .. the punching of my tit .. the trying on clothes .. me the casultant .. yea it was fun .. said goodbye .. 6 times was it .. lol .. yea we thought my mom like died .. but i had fun i needed that .. real bad .. i miss hanging out with them .. they are my bestfriends .. i didnt do what i wanted to but thats always next time we hang out .. so yea .. im fucking bored now and i just called jess .. and she aint picking up her phone .. im getting mad real mad .. i just hope .. i really do .. so yea .. anyway tomorrow i have my first soccer game i cant wait .. i get to blow off some steam ive been waiting to blow off for a while .. im really happy bout that .. so yea .. now i am going to talk to people .. so peace
later days
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* ..kiss me.. *
|
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surferzdream's journal
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